On dating and love
With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I cannot help but dwell on who might be coming to dinner.Last holiday season gave me plenty of food for thought on this all too familiar and often uncomfortable racially-tinged question.I wish my male relatives luck and joy in their relationships, but I also feel a pinch when I watch them with their girlfriends.It is the same sharp tug of disappointment that gets me every time I see a black man with a white woman on his arm.These relationships are caring and genuine, and surely bring happiness to the individuals involved in them.
For both these men (and to be fair, they were not much older than 20 at the time and thus had plenty of maturing to do), white women were the pinnacle of womanhood -- the prize that they secretly coveted, the emotional weapon that they knew they could wield.Most striking to me in recent sociological studies about interracial dating and marriage, is that on every measure, African American women seem to come out at the bottom of the pile.Black people as a whole intermarry with whites less frequently than other people of color do; and black women intermarry far less than black men.One of my male relatives brought home a date for Thanksgiving who could have been Barbie's twin sister.
She was blonde, thin, big-bosomed, and even had a Germanic name.
But this collection of happily ever after stories does not mean that love is blind.